glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
sex in a hospital.. check
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
