i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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