her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
