My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Four minutes until I can fart!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
