Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
