Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
