dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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