hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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