but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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