look no pants
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
