Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
