Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
