What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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