I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
