Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
