I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
