I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
