I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize