More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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