When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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