Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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