Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
