idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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