you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
