She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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