i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
