i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
