i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
