So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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