so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize