I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
