is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
