Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
