Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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