wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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