pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
