This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
