I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
