I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
