if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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