a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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