if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
