I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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