He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
