OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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