its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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