She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
