For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
