Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
