Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
