I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
