Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
