I hate all girls vehemently.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
