my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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