I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
