If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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