is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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