it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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