He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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