Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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