Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
40s are totally the cure
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
