I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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