I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So many bounce houses so little time
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Still dying that you shit outside
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
