I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
