we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
