When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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