youre lurking in front of me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
