how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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