Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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