i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
