Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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