I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize