I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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