I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
