If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
