make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
