In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
