So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
