This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
