Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
