Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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