where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
