you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
