Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
