after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
