My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
