My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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