Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
