yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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