I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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