woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
