Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
