the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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