HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm too high and old for this...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
