watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
