i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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