Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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