Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
