Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
