today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
