I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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