Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
